Sunday, 19 May 2013

Entertainment stuff from the week 13-19/5/13

Hi, criminals

...if you're from Romania, that is. And i'm not talking about their Eurovision performance... that will come later.

Another conservative arse in the UK has made a stupidly xenophobic statement in Parliament.

Because it involved a number, it got dealt with by the BBC's 'More Or Less' team - an island of liberal competence in a sea of Radio-4-style conservatism.

{Listen out for 'Marsh' of the 'Skeptics With A K' too - on a dodgy stat by Michael Gove - the most boring buffoon in Britain}

They presented a 'statistic' (i.e. a number attributed to something, completely without evidential warrant) that Romanians in Britain are all criminals.

You won't be surprised to hear that it was a fatuous statement.

And now... on to the 'Big Escape'... Eurovision.

{You can hear all the acts, if you follow the link, and go to 'Participants' and 'watch video', under the song name}

I did warn you, last week. And i did watch it... well, listen to it... i glanced over my shoulder, to the TV, occasionally. It's a musical show, right - visuals distract from the music.

...and that's how i missed the lesbian kiss at the end of Finland's performance [sad trombone sound: mwa-mwa-mwaaaa]

But anyway... because i bothered to watch hear it, i had to keep my mind active somehow... so i scored them all. And naturally, my score is a more perfect assessment of musical value than anybody else's could possibly be :-P

{Such is the wonder of being an Art critic}

It's certainly better than a score achieved via a populist democracy's race-to-be-the-blandest effect.

This is how i scored them:

1   2/5 France
2   1/5 Lithuania
3   3/5 Moldova
4   4/5 Finland
5   3/5 Spain
6   4/5 Belgium
7   3/5 Estonia
8   2/5 Belarus
9   3/5 Malta
10 4/5 Russia
11 2/5 Germany
12 1/5 Armenia
13 2/5 Netherlands
14 4/5 Romania
15 4/5 United Kingdom
16 2/5 Sweden
17 1/5 Hungary
18 3/5 Denmark
19 3/5 Iceland
20 3/5 Azerbaijan
21 4/5 Greece
22 2/5 Ukraine
23 2/5 Italy
24 1/5 Norway
25 2/5 Georgia
26 3/5 Ireland

And this is how i ranked them (with hypothetical points), compared to how many points they actually got:

1 Russia
12 Denmark 281
2 Finland
13 Azerbaijan 234
3 Greece
18 Ukraine 214
4 United Kingdom 7
25 Norway 191
5 Belgium 6
1 Russia
6 Romania 5
3 Greece
7 Malta
20 Italy
8 Iceland
7 Malta
9 Estonia
19 Netherlands 114
10 Spain
23 Hungary 84
11 Ireland

5 Belgium 71
12 Denmark

14 Moldova 71
13 Azerbaijan

6 Romania 65
14 Moldova

17 Sweden 62
15 Belarus

21 Georgia 50

15 Belarus 48
17 Sweden

8 Iceland
18 Ukraine

24 Armenia 41
19 Netherlands

4 United Kingdom 23
20 Italy

9 Estonia
21 Georgia

22 Germany 18
22 Germany

26 Lithuania 17
23 Hungary

16 France
24 Armenia

2 Finland
25 Norway

10 Spain
26 Lithuania

11 Ireland 5

And as you can see --  Europe was mostly wrong.

...oh, and btw, Romania's entry was fantastic. Not criminal at all! A baritone singing falsetto? "That's entertainment!"

Greece's was entertainingly stereotypical. I mean, don't we all imagine Greeks as bouzouki-playing alcoholics? Um... i didn't.

And Belgium's entry was not a cover of Freddie Mercury's 'Love Kills'; although that would have been fun to hear!

------------------------------------------------------ contemporary stuff

'Space Oddity' - Chris Hadfield
This is the video that everyone's talking about - the one recorded by a NASA astronaut before coming back down from the ISS.

'"The Faucet's On Fire!" by Roy Zimmerman'
Want a song to relieve your fury about fracking? This is the song for you!

'Illegal Numbers - Numberphile'

'"What I Mean" Tales Of Mere Existence'

"Don’t like how your car is running? In China, some luxury car owners decide to have their unsatisfactory vehicles smashed to pieces in public."

'Dicking Around with Pinocchio // Bad Teeth'

'Father Ted: ALL The Drinks // Bad Teeth'

"Short but great" - 'Raf's perfect girlfriend' via Richard Wiseman

'Maker vs Marker'
In a world where real hands have to fight marker-pen drawings to survive... um, they do this:

------------------------------------------------------ of the weeks

Un-quotes (this week from the 'Things Yorkshire People Don't Say' Facebook Page. Sorry for the provinciality)

"Hey - what's all this head doing on my pint!?"

"Wow go steady with the brown sauce there, love."

"The roadworks on the M62 have gone."

"Oh, you're here on holiday - go to Scarborough, you'll get a cracking tan there!"

"Nah, I don't mind being mistaken for a Geordie. Us Northerners are all the same, right?"

"Yes, your attempt at a Yorkshire accent is so accurate, please do keep going."

Word Of The Week: jactitation -- falsely claiming you're married to someone

Expression Of The Week: "Christ on a bike!" -- an exclamation of surprise, of unknown origin

Quote Of The Week: "Die? That's the last thing i'm going to do!" - millions of people's 'last words'

Fact Of The Week: You die more than 100 billion times every day. Cell death is called apoptosis; this is done to renew the efficacy of your overall body; and 100 billion red blood cells (erythrocytes) are replaced, every day of your adult life. 100 billion is also the average number of stars in a galaxy. A galaxy-worth of you dies every day - and that's red blood cells alone!

------------------------------------------------------ non-contemporary stuff

'NASA Johnson Style (Gangnam Style Parody)'
Top comment:
"I remember the first time I saw this, I thought to myself "wow, this is an old meme. Did NASA just get out-nerded?"
Then I remembered that when Gangnam Style came out, they were still busy trying to land a car on Mars. Using a rocket-suspended skycrane. That got there by being strapped to the top of an explosion.
I am sorry NASA, I should never have questioned you. I am unworthy."

'You won’t believe your eyes...' via Richard Wiseman
It's another one of those dastardly illusions, guys! We've seen this one before, on Tapejara, but it usually only works through the slow frame-rate of a video camera. For people to see it in person? I think that means they must be seeing it under strobe lighting - the saccades of the brain are too short to do this otherwise.
I think that strobe lighting is being used to prevent the spectators from seeing enough of the motion, so that they can perceive a negative phase velocity. The waveform, of course, is caused by sending a vibration down the oil arc.

"Meanwhile, in Britain..."

"How to manipulate a pianist......"

An inexperienced composer learns a lesson, the hard way:

I must get myself one of those...

How 'Modern Classical' composition works:

What pianists do:

Precision in music:

Precision in count-downs:

Foxes are weird...

Japanese ice-creams and their flavours:

More weiiiiird ice-creams from around the world, including more from Japan:

'George Osborne's First Twitter Photo Gets Photoshopped, Becomes A Meme (PICTURES)'
George Osborne's the Chancellor of the UK. He has no degree in maths, economics, or even politics (not even a law degree!); but he did go to the same school as the Prime Minister - David Cameron. That's go to count for something, hasn't it? It doesn't even count as nepotism!

Some monumental mistakes... in a manner of speaking ;-)

Friese-Greene colour footage of ol' London town in 1927
Things to note: no road-markings; very slow traffic; lots of cloth caps; lots of bobbies; how little everything looks different, even though it's actually changed immensely.

'Men Throwing Rocks With The Other Hand'
Surprisingly entertaining :-D

'Harrison Ford's Broccoli Joke'
It's not a great joke, really - you have to be a good actor or it falls flat

A condom advert (they're always good for a LOL) - Trojan Pure Ecstasy Condoms "Feels like nothing is there" (completely SFW btw)

...and from a standard condom ad to...

'Sexual Chocolate Wine'
"Goes great with some casual S&M"

And that is what i'm going to leave you with, this week.


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