Monday, 24 December 2012

Entertainment stuff from the week 17-23/12/12

Oh boy - it's been a quiet week for me.

Not for lack of internet connection, though - i've just not been on, much.

I have, however, put away some time to finish some mini-essays for the new year; which shall, of course, be as non-topical as ever!

And angry, too. I hope :D

Oh, btw - the Winterval warmer's still up:

And i have been to see The Hobbit (Part One - An Unexpected Journey)

It was nice to see Ian Holm reprising as Pod um, i mean, Bilbo Baggins. I'm giving away my age!

As expected, there were plenty of fighty scenes, a surprisingly dumpy-looking Richard Armitage (dumpy for him, but lanky for a dwarf), a confusing presence of Barry Humphries as the Goblin King (Dame Edna Everage), and a surprisingly adept performance by Martin Freeman, as the young Bilbo.

Damn - his name still sounds like a 'marital aid' - will i ever get used to it?

{Marital aid - one of the less popular juice drinks, after brigade (made from pulped sailing ship) and stockade (fizzy gravy browning), but infinitely more popular than colonnade (which i shall not explain!)

Basically - it seems a good film, so far - i won't (yet) call it a classic, like i shall with Skyfall, but i don't expect a complete package from the first part of a trilogy.

Oh, by the way - wasn't Benedict Cumberbatch awesome!

{If you see the film, you'll understand that joke :P }

I have uploaded four old pictures, taken near where i live, to my Tumblr column:

Call me biased, if you like - but i think they're pretty darn good ;)

But oh - if only i had a better camera...

That remark reminds me of a joke, though:

While visiting a friend, who had offered dinner, a photographer was showing off their 'graphs.

"Oh, yes - aren't they good", the host proclaimed, "you must have a wonderful camera".

Later on, after the meal was ate, the photographer retorted:

"Scrumptious food, m'dear - you must have wonderful pots and pans".

It seems logical that i should take some credit for the pictures :D

The Funny Bird Names albums are still up (i intend to do more, with place names, and maybe other topics... but who knows? I certainly don't!)

Here are my most reblogged photos:

------------------------------------------------------ contemporary stuff

'Ipod in a Nuclear Reactor Beam' - Thunderf00t

'Assumptions' - Richard Wiseman

'Even more bets you will always win' - Richard Wiseman

For the Clue-ers - a 10 minutes of interview with Barry, Graeme, and Tim:

I can't wait for the Winter Special of Clue :)

------------------------------------------------------ of the weeks

Word Of The Week: vermicomposting -- composting with worms ('vermis' is latin for 'worm')

Expression Of The Week: "carry a torch for" -- in love with

Etymology Of The Week: oregano -- bright ornament of the mountains

Quote Of The Week: "There are no haunted houses, just haunted people" - Robert Baker

Toothpaste Of The Week: Paul Rivere's All American Toothpaste

------------------------------------------------------ non-contemporary stuff

I see this every time people dance. It's better with the right music, though :D
'Beyonce - Single Ladies - Benny hill version'

I've not even seen this film - but i still find it funny...

A simulation of the collision between the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxies, in ~4 billion years' time:
See more, in this NASA Science Cast:

Funny Winterval cartoons:

Jokes to finish with:

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my family and friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, on the way home, after a "social session", out with friends.
Well, two days ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails, followed by some rather nice red wine.
Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a taxi home.
Sure enough, on the way home, there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident.

This was a real surprise, as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it from, and now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it!

A Christmas Correspondence:

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year.
I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones 

Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.
Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat.
Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus 

Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for.
I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation.
Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Tim Jones 

Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided.
Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right.
Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court.
Additionally, the exercise I eluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus 

Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.
Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want.

Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe?
"He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius?
You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.
I got your shit wired, Jack.
I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement.
You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry.
Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy 

Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.

That's what I thought, you little bastard!

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