Monday, 10 December 2012

Entertainment stuff from the week 3-9/12/12

Hi, Moore-ites and unfamiliar-with-Moorites,

We have lost a great man - Patrick Moore

Patrick Moore died, this morning, at 89. He didn't just present 'The Sky At Night' for a long time, though - he mapped the moon, for the Apollo program, and the Russians used his maps too. I guess he won't be showing us around telescopes in the next episode, then. He'll be sadly missed :(

The last broadcast of Patrick:

His death might feel like the end of the world, but as the real end of the world doesn't approach, it seems only fitting to make a joke about it.

And here is one:
(It's supposedly a Mayan prediction - and they lived where the Alpacas do)

All this end-of-the-world shit really is ridiculous though -- just 'cos their calendar rolls over on the 21st, doesn't mean time's going to end!
'New year' celebrations aren't about a miraculous celestial reprieve, for getting another 365 days of continued travel around the Sun - just as sensicality expected.

And we're not going to be wiped out by a fictional planet that would be so far away it's missed 'the boat' anyway.
(I'm referring to the Nibiru nonsense - it would be very visible, in the sky, already, if it were real)

There are more cheezburger puns, at the bottom of the page, btw; but right now...

More film ideas that turned out to be missed-hits:

Jurassic Pork

Edward Zitherhands

Sandy, Sandy II, Sandy III, Sandy IV, Sandy V, Sandy Balboa

The Bourne Soup Recipe

The Wizard Of New Zealand

The Lady And The Trap

Chitty Chitty Gang Bang (a porn version)

The Pink Panda
The Pink Puffin
The Pink Porcupine
The Pink Peacock
The Pink Platypus
The Pink Penguin
The Pink Parakeet
The Pink Pelican
The Pink Porpoise

{Incidentally, the second in the eventually-titled 'Pink Panther' series was first titled 'A Shit In The Dark' -- the cinema owners were not happy with the audience 'obeying' what they'd inferred to be a command!}
The Public Garden

The Adventures Of Stannum-stannum (you're officially a nerd, if you work this one out - have 100 points)

Chicken Co-op (the sequel to Chicken Run, but with a sponsor)

Mulatto Beauty (surely that would be a real hit? I'd watch it!)

The Neverending Tory (a biopic of Michael Gove)

South Atlantic (featuring the flop songs 'I'm Gonna Wash That Mac Right Outta My Hair', 'Younger Than Springfield', 'Nappy Talk', and 'Compound Multiplication Enchanted Evening')

Charlie and the Chocolate Teapot (he didn't even finish it!)

There are some missed Christmas hits, too, which i shall give you early, so that you can avoid them:

Aquaman (The Snowman)

Homer Alone

A Christmas Carrot

How The Oxyrinch Stole Christmas (it's a type of shark)

The Polo Express (this was ruined by the hole in the middle of the plot, but in the final version, they just erased the plot entirely)

------------------------------------------------------ contemporary stuff

All four of my 'funny bird names' albums are now up on Tumblr:
(You might be surprised - some are really quite bizarre!)

'Charlie Chaplin - Let Us All Unite'
MelodySheep - the guy who does the Symphonies of Science - has musicalised Charlie Chaplin's famous and rousing speech from The Great Dictator

"Let us all unite!"

Remember this, as you wander through life: perspective is so important!

Amazing anamorphic illusions: (they look 3D but they're not)

Which is the most punctual of dogs? The clocker spaniel

Tony Hawks, singing 'Gangnam Style' on 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue':
For the Queeneros: Good Company (Live) - apparently, this is its first ever live performance!

A new song: I Could See You (Kissing Me) - Brian May and Kerry Ellis, at the 'Make A Wish' Ball

------------------------------------------------------ of the weeks

Word Of The Week: engrail -- to render with prickles/ridges

Fact Of The Week: 1 in 5 mammals is a bat - despite sharp decreases in some populations

Election Result Of The Week: In 2003, a neutron (made in the upper atmosphere, by cosmic rays) hit an electronic circuit which was counting votes in a Belgian local election, and effectively cast 4096 votes! Needless to say - they noticed :D

Pointless Acronym Of The Week: BRIC

Expression Of The Week: "go like the clappers"

Bird Name Of The Week: Violaceous Trogon

Quote of The Week: "Love with your heart, but use your head for everything else" - Captain Disillusion

------------------------------------------------------ non-contemporary stuff

This is more than blasphemous enough for me: 'The Lesbian Last Supper' :)

I hope this is real - it's a good trick :)
'Forklift Operator Puts Coin into a Bottle'

32 of the funniest comebacks of all time:

This is the wrong way to read a book:

How does Jiao Xinzhen raise her monkey adoptees? To get that motherly bond, she breastfeeds them!

This is the weirdest toothpaste ad i have ever seen!? It's just a porn clip with a squirt of tooothpaste at the end...

I've been catching up with cheezburger's puns. My favourites:

'This is wong on so many levels'

"wi-u, wi-u, wi-u, wi-u..."

'Meanwhile, at the Culture Club Medical Center'

A pareidolic plant. Richard Wiseman would be proud :D

There is sometimes an 'i' in 'team', depending on how you write it ;)

Here's a paradox, for you... :P

'Chicken cordon bleu'

The Queeny ones:

'Photographic evidence of water on Mercury'

And the Queen of the elements; with contents kept Under Pressure; and hoping it won't Breakthru: (if you drank it , you'd be Going Slightly Mad)

The Nerdy Ones:

'A phlox upon you and your family'

Formal-dehyde and Casual-dehyde:

That's all, for this week, folks. I will be publishing a special mini-essay thingy for Winterval/XMAS, so shout at me if it doesn't get published!

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