Sunday, 27 January 2013

Entertainment stuff from the week 21-27/1/13

Hi, princes and paupers

Well - i slept like a baby, last night - clutching, and dribbling onto, someone's breast.

I still have no idea who she was - so here's a shout-out - thank you!

The last few months of New Scientist magazines have been piling up, by my bed, because i've been reading other things. Like i said in this week's Pseudoscience article - "damn my FIFO principle!"

Most significantly, the 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: The Best of Forty Years' book' has been the target of my eyes.

As a result, this weekend's been a bit of a NS romp, for me.

And for this section of my blog, you'd think i'd lazily draw something out of the Feedback section for your amusement...

and i have. Here are some of the quirky goings-on that scientists notice, around the world:

HOW is this for an example of circular bureaucratese? Bill Corner's son Sean came across this statement in a US Inland Revenue form he was completing. Line 9a of Part II of IRS Form W8-BEN states: "For treaty purposes, a person is a resident of a treaty country if the person is a resident of that country under the terms of the treaty."
18 Aug

READER John Gledhill sends us a photo of a sign in a toilet with a picture of a cigarette with a line through it. It says in red letters: "WARNING. Toilet is fitted with automatic smoke detectors."
John is bemused. "I wonder how you would install a non-automatic smoke detector," he says. "Perhaps a little chap with a sensitive nose and a big buzzer?"
18 Aug

YOU can't accuse them of lying, but Peter James still thought there was something a bit off in the wording on the cone of cardboard fixed over the top of a bottle of Masterfoods sauce that he bought in Perth, Australia. The ad on the cone, which Peter scanned and emailed to Feedback, boasts: "Compare the value... Our 350ml bottle contains 40 per cent more sauce than other 250ml bottles."
Peter phoned the company's managing director and indicated that while he was very glad that Masterfoods was producing and filling sauce bottles of a size that compared favourably to smaller bottles, he was not convinced that the question of value was being addressed.
Shortly after, he is pleased to report, the promotion was discontinued.
25 Aug

Two insights into Olympian time: Stephen Battersby reports that on 6 August the organisers of the London Olympics sent an email to ticket buyers with the subject: "Day 10: Welcome to week two."
The morning before, Jenny Narraway noted that the UK's The Guardian website promised "minute by minute" coverage of Usain Bolt's defence of his 100-metre sprint title later that day.
25 Aug
{Minute 1: Usain approaches the blocks; minute 2: well - he won!}

READER George Waters was one of several who were surprised by an article in the June issue of Scientific Computing headlined: "Immune System Glitch Tied to Fourfold Higher Likelihood of Death."
The article begins: "Mayo Clinic researchers have identified an immune system deficiency whose presence shows someone is up to four times likelier to die than a person without it."
"Before I read this," George comments, "I thought my chances of dying were 100 per cent."
Meanwhile, reader Targ Parsons was equally puzzled by a story in SBS World News Australia with the headline: "A new study suggests that people who drink coffee are less likely to die."
Feedback agrees that these statements are surprising, if not nonsensical. At the risk of stating the obvious, we note that what's missing from them is the time factor. The Mayo Clinic article, for example, should have made it clear that people with the reported immune system deficiency have a four-fold higher risk of dying within a certain time period, which they neglected to specify.
Journalists, take care not to make your readers think they are immortal.
1 Sep

The scrolling information board of a Southeastern train that Anthony Daniel was travelling on in southern England counselled him: "Please ensure you are travelling in the correct portion of the train. This is coach No.9 out of 8."
1 Sep

SECTION 4 of the information leaflet for the drug Cordarone X that Bob Stephens has been taking lists its possible side effects. Under the section headed "Very rare (affects less than 1 in 10,000 people)", users are encouraged to stop taking the tablets if: "Your heartbeat becomes very slow or stops beating. If this happens, go to hospital straight away."
"Presumably," Bob speculated, "one should call in at the undertakers on the way."
8 Sep

Mike White notes the "impossible restriction" of a sign at a Waitrose supermarket at a UK service station on the M40 motorway: "Alcohol purchased in this motorway service area can not be consumed inside or outside the premises."
8 Sep

SECTION 2 of the driving licence application form D1, sent to Jim Moore by the UK Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency, asks: "If any of your details have changed since your last licence was issued please give the previous details below."
An example the form gives of the kind of detail that might have changed is: "Country you were born in". Jim feels that to be consistent, the next print run of the D1 form should also ask respondents to state any changes there have been to their date of birth.
22 Sep

THE email that arrived in his inbox disconcerted Adrian Smith. Was it a spam message? Was it an unsavoury "business" proposition? Was it an appeal from a lonely heart?
With a subject line like "Search for Men", it could have been any of these - until Adrian opened it and found that the heading was truncated. In full, it read: "Search for Mentor under Indo-US Research Professorship Program".
22 Sep

A TEENY-WEENY bit of exaggeration, perhaps? Tony Harker notes that UK rail company First Great Western is putting up posters advertising the return of the refurbished Class 180 trains to its services. These proclaim: "There is no limit to the number of folding cycles the train can carry."
"The Tardis now standing at platform 3..." Tony comments.
22 Sep

A third incorrect attempt to enter his pass code led to Simon Bowden's 14-year-old son getting the message: "Ipod is disabled. Try again in 22,272,530 minutes"
22 Sep

FINALLY, imagine the surprise of David Purdy on receiving a special offer of the Family Tree Maker program at less than half price. How could he resist the chance to "find out whether any of your descendants were on the Titanic"?
22 Sep

The badteeth YouTube channel is now up and running, and i'm still only enamoured by the promise of cassetteboy and swedemason videos. Here's some, from cassetteboy:
'Inauguration 2013: Cassetteboy VS Obama // Bad Teeth'

A few films that never got made... but have been left over, on my computer, hence why i'm shoving them in here :-P

A Fish Called Wanda + The Towering Inferno = Cleese On Toast

The 39 Step Stairlift

E.T. + Under Milk Wood + Sugar Rush = A really good, strong cup of tea

Full Metal Jacket + Murphy's Law = A Jacket Potato

Swamp Thing + Slither + The Blob = Piers Morgan / Glenn Beck / anyone like that, really. Can you tell the difference?

The Onion Field + Murphy's Law + Silence Of The Lambs = A nice pot of stew

In Bed With Madonna + One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest = In Bed With Flu

{If you've suffered the last, you'll need to eat the one before, to "get your strength up" :-P}

------------------------------------------------------ contemporary stuff

"I like my eggs the way i like my women - ovar-iesy"

I'm showing you this, purely as a reference for that joke, LOL

Greg's main channel is Mr Stripy Head, which i first discovered via this video:
'Come Visit Mike Hunt' [sweary]
So funny :D

cyriak's done a new video, for music by Bonobo. His words:
"Here is a new music video I made for Bonobo. No horrible stuff in this one, unless you are freaked out by machines made of grannies..." :D
cyriak's channel, if you want to see more crazy mind-wangling stuff:

------------------------------------------------------ of the weeks

Un-quote Of The Week: William Wordsworth -- "What rhymes with 'hills'?" #thingspeoplewouldneversay

Word Of The Week: hoyden -- a boisterous girl / tomboy {the best kind!}

Expression Of The Week: "Every little helps" -- included in Wellerisms as early as the 16th century. For example: "Every little helps, the old lady said, as she pissed into the sea"

Etymology Of The Week: nadgers -- slang for "testicles"

Quote Of The Week: "I don't think people realise the debt we owe to Mary Whitehouse, for her tireless fight against all forms of censorship. She's a shining example, because she has seen and read more filth and rudery than anybody else in the world. But it's had absolutely no effect. And she stands, now, before us, as wholesome and pure and nice as she ever was. Therefore proving that censorship wouldn't make any difference at all. Thanks, Mary." - Graeme Garden, ISIHAC, S11E3, 21st April 1984, in the round 'Justify'

{Mary Whitehouse was an ardent campaigner in favour of the censorship of anything that could be considered even mildly titillating}

Foodstuff Of The Week: Cholera Pie

Acronym Of The Week: RAMBO -- Randomly Active Main Body Object (asteroids that sometimes decay under solar radiation, like comets, to give a faint tail)

------------------------------------------------------ non-contemporary stuff

'?? (The Elements song in Japanese)'
Well, why not? :-P

Nobody ever asks "...

These are from Doubtful News, over the last few months. I've picked out the most comic ones. You can find links to many more, in the
Pseudoscience section's article

'Tooth fairy accused of malpractice' - British Medical Journal
Every year, in December, the BMJ publishes a spoof/silly study. This one's about the tooth fairy :D

'Baby sprouts feather'
If you're easily-queezied, don't follow the link, to the picture.

'Bird abduction: Golden eagle grabs child video (HOAX)'
I wonder whether Captain Disillusion saw this.

'Eyewitness accounts of Santa. I’m not kidding.'

'Jesus of Japan'
People will shell out for any mythical rubbish, it seems!

'“REAL” astrologers angry with fake astrologers in India'
I'm trying not to laugh... oh i can't help it... bwahahahahahaha......

No comments:

Post a Comment